summer 2016 was not the best summer ever. it made me suffer through a shitty retail job, a daily battle with depression and anxiety, and the messy end to some long term friendships. it made me count down the hours until i went back to school. but, it also made me reflect on the concept of home and happiness.
boston on my 19th, july 1 2016
“home is where the heart is” has always been one of those cheesy, white people wall plaque quotes to me, but it developed a new meaning to me this summer. as i was suffering and withering away in a place i have always called “home”, i realized that i won’t always have to suffer. now that i am in college and (somewhat) independent, i can finally accept that my childhood, suburban, hour-away-from-boston house is not my home. even though i always feel trapped here, i know that i can take the train into boston to fill the void inside. that skyline always gives me that warm, welcoming feeling even on the coldest new england days. even though the T is the bane of my existence, i will always cherish every ride throughout the city (even on the damn green line!). and, i will formally accept my privilege of getting the best concerts at the best venues (the sinclair! paradise! middle east!) which i will always always always be thankful for. when i’m at school, i am 15 minutes from harvard square, so i always feel connected. but every once in a while, when i am longing for a better sense of home, i take a trip into the city for myself. thank you, boston, for being my home this summer, my home at school, and my home forever.
boston public gardens, may 2015
home is never limiting. it does not have to be one static place. it can be ever-changing, some where you’ve never been before, or a place you long to be in. new york will always be another home to me, and i hope that it will be a place i can officially call home one day. but no matter what, home should also always be with yourself. it has taken me 19 years to come to terms with this, and i am still learning, but loving yourself is the most freeing thing you can do. family and friends will come and go, and as difficult as it may be to accept this, it is the truth. the only person you are in control of is yourself. finding home within yourself is the difference between being alone and being lonely. allow yourself to enjoy being alone, and if you ever feel lonely, just know that your home will always be there, waiting for you.
washington square park, nyc, july 2015
(blurry) maddy in harvard yard, boston, july 2016
boston public library, may 2015
nyc at nite, july 2015